I think I should name my blog "the emo blog" because I only blog when I am emo. It think it's alright because no one reads it anyway. lol. Which is good because less blog haters will kacau it then! Sighs. Had a really bad day at work yesterday and woke up early today (sunday!) because i ter-thought of the incident. I hate it when you are just trying to do your job properly and people reads it differently. I emo not because of fucking customers but I think I did not defend my staff and myself very well during the incident and hence, the abuse. I think it was not necessary for her to scream at us and then ring us up again to continue telling us we were wrong. I think I should have done so much more to protect my staff but I didn't. Sometimes my patience can be such a bad thing for my work. I can't not have it yet I can't have too much of it either.
It's just things like this that makes me come face to face with weakness. I have a lot of pride. I hate losing. I hate to be the one who doesn't know anything. I run from problems and avoid them. And these things make me hate the person that I am. It makes me think that being nice is a weakness. I admire people who can stand up for themselves because it is something I never learnt to do even after so long. and I feel very disappointed and this time it's not only about me but about the people i work with.
*argh* life sucks! maybe i should just go for standing up for yourself at work 101. :(
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
I don't want to grow up!
I think I started on a post last week but didn't finish it because the bf got home! I don't want him to know about my blog. LOL. Mainly because he thinks it's very wussy and emo-ey if there is such word. Life seems to plateau out. It's flat, nothing too exciting happening. So many decisions I have been delaying to make. I am just lazy you know!
It's been my 4th year here in Adelaide. I love this place but it would have been better if my parents are here with me. It would be great to come back for a delicious meal nicely made on the dining table. It would be great to be surrounded by REALLY old people and then balanced out by hanging out with the angry teenager! I am scared of getting married because I don't want to grow up. I don't want to have to stay at my in laws house and never ever stay with my parents again. Most of my good friends in Adelaide are either getting married or got married. They think I feel the pressure but I don't. Seriously I don't. Well unless the person is very rich and I don't need to work.
I really want to get my own house, I mean I can already but I have very expensive taste so I don't want to settle for something I can afford but don't like. I am very greedy. But I get stress when my budget doesn't match my favourite. So I have decided not to think about it first.
Aargh. This is a boring post. LOL. ciao~
It's been my 4th year here in Adelaide. I love this place but it would have been better if my parents are here with me. It would be great to come back for a delicious meal nicely made on the dining table. It would be great to be surrounded by REALLY old people and then balanced out by hanging out with the angry teenager! I am scared of getting married because I don't want to grow up. I don't want to have to stay at my in laws house and never ever stay with my parents again. Most of my good friends in Adelaide are either getting married or got married. They think I feel the pressure but I don't. Seriously I don't. Well unless the person is very rich and I don't need to work.
I really want to get my own house, I mean I can already but I have very expensive taste so I don't want to settle for something I can afford but don't like. I am very greedy. But I get stress when my budget doesn't match my favourite. So I have decided not to think about it first.
Aargh. This is a boring post. LOL. ciao~
Monday, September 28, 2009
i am kambing bag!
In less than 24 hours, i will be stepping down the plane to a humid and horrid country of tudungs, muttons and rude people.... BUT I AM FREAKING EXCITED! i am not sure if it's work stress but it feels like i can BREATHE! wooooooohooooooooo.........
Thursday, September 10, 2009
anal
Nope, if you're wondering what i'm talking about, i definitely do not mean gay here. Let's not go there. Anyway I am anal. I am very anal about certain things. I think I am a very weird person, and one who is very random too. I am a perfectionist. Everything I do or attempt to, I have to make sure I am the best or at least be good at it. In other words, you can probably say i am very kiasu. BUT i do not show my kiasu-ness yet people who know me would know.
There was once when i asked two friends for dinner and one of them asked me if my food was edible. Another friend replied that if i were to invite them for dinner, it would definitely be nice, because i only show people the better part of me. So I am very anal when it comes to cooking for people. I am also very anal when i drive. I don't like driving people because my parkin skills are literally non existent. That's why I took 4 years to actually start driving and that is also because i have to switch two buses before i can reach my workplace.
I am also very anal when it comes to dressing. I only stick to clothes that would look right on me. SO I am not very experimental and my clothes look the same! The style is dead. I had a friend told me, I like leggings and they make me look very thin, like bird's leg or something. I guess I do have a very competitive nature because I have to be the best or at least not the worst. I will not experiment with stuffs that I am not confident with. Maybe that's why i tend to have more good guy friends that girl friends. This competitive nature of mine is very tiring, it's good to hang out with guys because you don't need to think of what to wear or what to say.
and maybe that's why confidence is so important. If you feel confident of yourself, it doesn't matter what you wear or what you do, you know you are worthy and great. And until i gain confidence in myself, I will have to continue with this competitive nature of mine, or shall i say kiasuness.
There was once when i asked two friends for dinner and one of them asked me if my food was edible. Another friend replied that if i were to invite them for dinner, it would definitely be nice, because i only show people the better part of me. So I am very anal when it comes to cooking for people. I am also very anal when i drive. I don't like driving people because my parkin skills are literally non existent. That's why I took 4 years to actually start driving and that is also because i have to switch two buses before i can reach my workplace.
I am also very anal when it comes to dressing. I only stick to clothes that would look right on me. SO I am not very experimental and my clothes look the same! The style is dead. I had a friend told me, I like leggings and they make me look very thin, like bird's leg or something. I guess I do have a very competitive nature because I have to be the best or at least not the worst. I will not experiment with stuffs that I am not confident with. Maybe that's why i tend to have more good guy friends that girl friends. This competitive nature of mine is very tiring, it's good to hang out with guys because you don't need to think of what to wear or what to say.
and maybe that's why confidence is so important. If you feel confident of yourself, it doesn't matter what you wear or what you do, you know you are worthy and great. And until i gain confidence in myself, I will have to continue with this competitive nature of mine, or shall i say kiasuness.
Friday, September 4, 2009
religion vs culture
The other day when I had dinner with my friends, a sensitive topic popped up - religion. My friend didn't want to have a grand birthday dinner and there were no gifts or anything because to him, he was mourning for his grandma who just passed away. He didnt want to celebrate at this time of the year. So some of my christian friends asked him what religion he was and he said he didnt have one, but his grandma was actually a catholic. Then my friend asked if he shouldn't mourn because she was going home to a better place but he just replied that it's too confusing but he just doesn't feel like celebrating anyway.
So i don't think there is really any lines that differentiate what is actually culture and what is religion even though they are both very different things. For me, i embraced buddhism when I was young and of course I had joss stick moments because we can't take away culture from religion but I went to a buddhist sunday school and i know what true buddhism is. It's not about praying or about chanting. But like any other religion, it teaches the way of life, which is something I find very practical about. I learnt to respect other people's religion too.
I definitely think humans need religion - not because we're curious about the afterlife, but because it teaches us to be good, it guides us and it gives us hope. Yet, some people I know does not even celebrate chinese new year because to them cny is praying to gods and giving food to gods but it is never the case. Because chinese new year is an occasion/celebration to meet up with friends and relative - to reunite and have fun! It is culture and who says religion cannot be mixed with culture? Just because you are not a taoist/budhist doesnt make you less chinese!
I guess there's always the extremist and the ones who are neither here neither there or everywhere. But for me culture is still tradition and it is who you are born as and to deny that part of you is just very shameful.
So i don't think there is really any lines that differentiate what is actually culture and what is religion even though they are both very different things. For me, i embraced buddhism when I was young and of course I had joss stick moments because we can't take away culture from religion but I went to a buddhist sunday school and i know what true buddhism is. It's not about praying or about chanting. But like any other religion, it teaches the way of life, which is something I find very practical about. I learnt to respect other people's religion too.
I definitely think humans need religion - not because we're curious about the afterlife, but because it teaches us to be good, it guides us and it gives us hope. Yet, some people I know does not even celebrate chinese new year because to them cny is praying to gods and giving food to gods but it is never the case. Because chinese new year is an occasion/celebration to meet up with friends and relative - to reunite and have fun! It is culture and who says religion cannot be mixed with culture? Just because you are not a taoist/budhist doesnt make you less chinese!
I guess there's always the extremist and the ones who are neither here neither there or everywhere. But for me culture is still tradition and it is who you are born as and to deny that part of you is just very shameful.
Monday, August 31, 2009
sometimes i don't know how i got here
As the title indicates, I don't know how did i get here, where I am now. Is it fate? Is it destiny? Who decides what you choose?
How from failing chemistry to getting A1. From wanting to do psychology or anything to do with maths to getting deciding pharmacy. From failing tests in SAM to getting a very high TER in the end! From barely making it thru the first two years of the pharmacy course but graduated with honours by the end of fourth year. From worrying about competing with Aussie students to getting a job before i graduated. From being a first year pharmacist to being pharmacist in charge.
Seriously? Maybe it's hardwork but i definitely have someone shining over me. I just feel so blessed. But...... who helped choose my path?
and would I still be lucky in the future?
How from failing chemistry to getting A1. From wanting to do psychology or anything to do with maths to getting deciding pharmacy. From failing tests in SAM to getting a very high TER in the end! From barely making it thru the first two years of the pharmacy course but graduated with honours by the end of fourth year. From worrying about competing with Aussie students to getting a job before i graduated. From being a first year pharmacist to being pharmacist in charge.
Seriously? Maybe it's hardwork but i definitely have someone shining over me. I just feel so blessed. But...... who helped choose my path?
and would I still be lucky in the future?
Friday, August 7, 2009
my friend
I have a friend. I have a friend who has been acting strange for the past two years. She shy away from people and isolate herself somewhere far far away. Even when she was living close by, it is as if she was never there at all. Better to be far because at least distance is an excuse. She convinces herself that she is happy, that love is all she need. She tries to join in when she wants to but she fails because she has lost all contacts with the rest. But then even without friends she still says she's happy. The once happy go lucky girl with lots of friends now becomes extremely contented staying home all day watching movies online, talking to her bf on skype and thinks as if the world outside is poisonous.
What kind of guy would isolate the gf from her close friends? What kind of guy would argue with the gf just because someone ELSE put her past pics online? What kind of guy would punish his gf for something that wasn't her own doing? What kind of guy who psychos his gf that she didnt need friends because of his status? I think even Prince William doesnt impose on his gf like that.
Really, it doesnt matter for her good friend to be left as clueless as the rest is. It doesnt matter what kind of excuse he has for his gf that made her so crazy about this relationship. It doesnt matter if her good friend tries to communicate but instead causes more problem.
She doesn't know what to believe anymore. To trust that this friend of hers still has sanity and logic in her? or to be like everyone else and just ignore her?
What kind of guy would isolate the gf from her close friends? What kind of guy would argue with the gf just because someone ELSE put her past pics online? What kind of guy would punish his gf for something that wasn't her own doing? What kind of guy who psychos his gf that she didnt need friends because of his status? I think even Prince William doesnt impose on his gf like that.
Really, it doesnt matter for her good friend to be left as clueless as the rest is. It doesnt matter what kind of excuse he has for his gf that made her so crazy about this relationship. It doesnt matter if her good friend tries to communicate but instead causes more problem.
She doesn't know what to believe anymore. To trust that this friend of hers still has sanity and logic in her? or to be like everyone else and just ignore her?
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