Friendship

There are a lot of changes as we grow old. We grow more cynical, more negative, more we-know-it-all, wiser, we get more experienced.. you catch my drift. The part i hate about growing old is not only where i have to make my own decisions or about how people judge how successful you are by your financial status but also the part where some things force you to accept that what you used to think when you were young - were just naive thoughts. That things you used to believe in so strongly is just wrong! That the world doesn't seem to be the planet that you painted in your head.

I love my friends and I used to think they are my world and I can't live without them and that they are always my priority besides my family but now, I don't know what to think anymore. I am so deeply hurt, I don't believe in forever friends anymore. Yes they mould me to become who I am today but they also leave you and strip you off any happiness that's left in you.

and no, i don't believe in everlasting friendship anymore because things change and humans change.

And yes I would like to keep that cynical part of me, thank you!

Impermanence

Budha said

"All things are impermanent"

And this is how I see friendship.....



for now.

TeeVee

TV used to be my life at high school but when I stayed at Klang for uni in the first year, i was deprived of it. Throughout uni life, i never really watched tv, because we were not rich enough to get one and slowly I grew out of my addiction for tv. In primary school, I remember we used to write essays about how tv is good for you and I never understood why TV helped improve general knowledge - well, maybe because I often only watch tv dramas on tv.

Up until today - Just 2 hours of TV and I found out that elephants are the cutest animal on planet, because they understand human very well and they remember how you raise them and a newborn elephant weighs 100kg; or be careful of what you bring into australia or nz because herbal elixirs can contain bear (yes the animal bear) bile that is prohibited or the speed of a sneeze is as fast as 150km/h and supressing it subjects your ears to that high of a pressure and etc etc.

more tv for me from now onwards!

Judgmental

In my two years career of being a pharmacist, i cannot help myself but be judgmental because it is the instinct that helps me differentiate dodgy people from people who are 'real'. You see, one of my very hated role, is to make sure that medicines do not fall in the hands of BAD people and eventhough i do not understand why we should be put thru verbal abuse at work all the time, i still manage to understand why we are the first row of defence. It is a bit like saving the planet (recycling) - your role can be extremely small but if everyone does the same, it can still be a big impact. I can say we have a lot of druggies here in Australia - either they are addicted to pain killers themselves or they convert otc drugs to illicit drugs and make money from it. So I have this instinct called judgement where i'll act as if i don't have that stock they want when they first come in rather than rejecting the sale thereafter, which often ends up very messy - like shouting at your face and throwing things on the floor.

So i was taught to be judgmental and eventhough it is bad practice in pharmacy - it is better to be safe than sorry!

and so what do you think comes into my mind when i saw a video clip on how some malay people was using a hammer to break thru car windows and i see some police standing around the car and then i see a chinese guy finally climbing out of the car with blood over his head. He was then punched by malay guys in plain clothes on the head repeatedly. Immediately I thought to myself, why are they so racist? I mean I knew those people with a hammer and who threw punches weren't police - they were callmen and who the hell gave them the authority to take justice into their hands? is it because the guy in the car is a chinese and the rest are all malay that makes them think they are powerful than we are. I am sorry but I am judgmental and even after i knew that the chinese guy steal from old people, I still do not think he deserve the type of abuse he was put thru. stopped in the middle of the road and being treated like a criminal with a gun or any weapon.

i am judgmental because no matter what kinda video clip i see online about my country that involves malay - the word racist would come into my mind. I am sorry but I think I am allowed to be judgmental because we chinese have lost our rights and being in a country where the malay population is growing exponentially, i feel like we have been repressed. I am judgmental because the country made me judgmental.

And eventhough I live in a land so foreign i feel alone, yet I feel safe, I feel civilized and I feel respected and that i know my rights of a human being will not be taken away from me.