a different phase

As i step into my quarter life, I realize a lot of things are different now. The way I think, the things I want in life, the friends I hang out with... have all changed. The good thing is I do not regret what I have become today. There is nothing in life that I wish I can go back to change. I like what i am today, I like I have matured and become wiser and independent. Well except that I hate turning a quarter century, the number is getting just a little too big. lol.

Anyway there was this guy who come up to me all out of a sudden while i was working and *ahem* declared his love for me. I was like "jeez this guy is crazy man!" and he was! because at first he brought in flowers and chocolate and then he drop by to say hi when i wasn't working and then he bought me icecream and milk shake. NOTE: i do not know this guy at all. BUT hey!! I AM NOT TWENTY ANYMORE AND THESE TRICKS DON'T WORK ON ME! It made me realize how utterly GELI is it to receive flowers from someone i don't like/know and how I've changed from you know, liking handsome tall musically inclined romantic dudes to guys whom i know can take care of me in the future and someone who can be a good father to my children and someone whom i can depend on!

Nothing is absolute in life! who knows down the road, i might wanna feel young again and start liking handsome/cute/boyish guys. lol. for now i am happy with what i have and am ready for what i can achieve in future!

the never ending rant

Once again, I am extremely embarrassed by my country - what my people do, what my people say on tv certainly do not do my beautiful country any justice at all. But it is not fair because we have always lived in harmony - we communicate and live well together. Not until recent years that Malaysia have been portrayed as a country who everyone knows has a deputy prime minister that likes to sodomize people or a country that has BIG racial issues.

I guess as the chinese idiom goes, "no paper can wrap fire". As we get more educated and as we know more of our rights, we've learnt that "the rights of bumiputera cannot be questioned" becomes increasingly disturbing. We've learnt that our education sucks because our leaders don't even know how to speak proper english to defend themselves on tv. We've learnt that we not only do not know how to voice our opinions but we answer as if we do not understand the question. We've learnt that the leader we pick, do not defend us non-muslims, they supress us and try to cover up every single truth that leaks out - and hope in time the problem will solve by itself.

I'm sorry the world has to know about our ugliness and i'm sorry the world does not know about how beautiful and peaceful Malaysia really is. Life is not fair. It is not fair at all.

presents

ARGH present shopping is driving me nuts!!! For the past year, I have been the one shopping for presents, be it birthday, christmas, anni etc, because I am the one with week days off! why should i be the one to be penalized just because i have day offs? Whenever I wanna buy a present, everyone else wants to share and then everyone else has an opinion too. ARGH. if you want me to buy the present, I, your royal highness will decide! So QUIT telling me what I should and shouldn't do. And why the hell do people think so much when they buy a present. It is just a present. It is the thought that counts. It doesn't matter what it is and it doesn't matter what consequence it has.

so everyone is getting a gift card from me this year! THERE. problem solved!

marriage

OMFG..... is there any news besides people getting engaged/married/have babies because I am really sick of these stuffs already and to think that I am only turning a quarter century this year, does make me feel - are we too young?! ok maybe not.. and i am not ranting because i am bitter okay? of course i wanna get married and have kids but not at the age of 24! there is still so much stuffs out there to explore than to be tied down. right right, it's about the happily ever after which we all know things are more REAL than that yada yada yada.. whatever!

so hey people, if you have any good news, can it be something like you've striked lottery or becoming a monk/priest or anything like that?! i need new stuffs happening in my life, like NEW and EXCITING!!


p/s: i am still happy for people who are getting engaged!

friends and love

well. i guess i have been really pessimistic lately but now it's all good. i have forgotten about the past and moved on from there.

i think being a human being and living on this planet earth is the greatest journey one can ever have (not like i've tried being anything else), but the emotions you experience, the relationship you share with someone but yourself is such a beautiful thing. You learn to accept something so different from you but of course this doesn't come without conflict and arguments.

So much has happened the past festive season and they taught me one thing - that is all humans are different to each other and if we want to live together, we have to learn to accept the person for who they are. Be it selfish, stingy, thinks logic the other way etc. And putting up resistance, fighting and trying to change who they are, is a lot harder than accepting it.

And I am glad I've found my other half that I know I can spend the rest of my life with. He who lets me be who I am and who accepts my mistakes, my recklessness and dumbness. He who throws me in the deep water and taught me the only way to survive is to find the determination to swim. He who never judges me and gives me full freedom to decide on my own future and who always include me in his future.

I love you be, even if you the nastiest temper :P

Friendship

There are a lot of changes as we grow old. We grow more cynical, more negative, more we-know-it-all, wiser, we get more experienced.. you catch my drift. The part i hate about growing old is not only where i have to make my own decisions or about how people judge how successful you are by your financial status but also the part where some things force you to accept that what you used to think when you were young - were just naive thoughts. That things you used to believe in so strongly is just wrong! That the world doesn't seem to be the planet that you painted in your head.

I love my friends and I used to think they are my world and I can't live without them and that they are always my priority besides my family but now, I don't know what to think anymore. I am so deeply hurt, I don't believe in forever friends anymore. Yes they mould me to become who I am today but they also leave you and strip you off any happiness that's left in you.

and no, i don't believe in everlasting friendship anymore because things change and humans change.

And yes I would like to keep that cynical part of me, thank you!

Impermanence

Budha said

"All things are impermanent"

And this is how I see friendship.....



for now.