TeeVee

TV used to be my life at high school but when I stayed at Klang for uni in the first year, i was deprived of it. Throughout uni life, i never really watched tv, because we were not rich enough to get one and slowly I grew out of my addiction for tv. In primary school, I remember we used to write essays about how tv is good for you and I never understood why TV helped improve general knowledge - well, maybe because I often only watch tv dramas on tv.

Up until today - Just 2 hours of TV and I found out that elephants are the cutest animal on planet, because they understand human very well and they remember how you raise them and a newborn elephant weighs 100kg; or be careful of what you bring into australia or nz because herbal elixirs can contain bear (yes the animal bear) bile that is prohibited or the speed of a sneeze is as fast as 150km/h and supressing it subjects your ears to that high of a pressure and etc etc.

more tv for me from now onwards!

Judgmental

In my two years career of being a pharmacist, i cannot help myself but be judgmental because it is the instinct that helps me differentiate dodgy people from people who are 'real'. You see, one of my very hated role, is to make sure that medicines do not fall in the hands of BAD people and eventhough i do not understand why we should be put thru verbal abuse at work all the time, i still manage to understand why we are the first row of defence. It is a bit like saving the planet (recycling) - your role can be extremely small but if everyone does the same, it can still be a big impact. I can say we have a lot of druggies here in Australia - either they are addicted to pain killers themselves or they convert otc drugs to illicit drugs and make money from it. So I have this instinct called judgement where i'll act as if i don't have that stock they want when they first come in rather than rejecting the sale thereafter, which often ends up very messy - like shouting at your face and throwing things on the floor.

So i was taught to be judgmental and eventhough it is bad practice in pharmacy - it is better to be safe than sorry!

and so what do you think comes into my mind when i saw a video clip on how some malay people was using a hammer to break thru car windows and i see some police standing around the car and then i see a chinese guy finally climbing out of the car with blood over his head. He was then punched by malay guys in plain clothes on the head repeatedly. Immediately I thought to myself, why are they so racist? I mean I knew those people with a hammer and who threw punches weren't police - they were callmen and who the hell gave them the authority to take justice into their hands? is it because the guy in the car is a chinese and the rest are all malay that makes them think they are powerful than we are. I am sorry but I am judgmental and even after i knew that the chinese guy steal from old people, I still do not think he deserve the type of abuse he was put thru. stopped in the middle of the road and being treated like a criminal with a gun or any weapon.

i am judgmental because no matter what kinda video clip i see online about my country that involves malay - the word racist would come into my mind. I am sorry but I think I am allowed to be judgmental because we chinese have lost our rights and being in a country where the malay population is growing exponentially, i feel like we have been repressed. I am judgmental because the country made me judgmental.

And eventhough I live in a land so foreign i feel alone, yet I feel safe, I feel civilized and I feel respected and that i know my rights of a human being will not be taken away from me.

Men are REALLY from mars...

I used to have a colleague who read me the book "Men are from Mars and women are from venus" during my one hour lunch break for at least a week, because we both couldn't agree on who should borrow the book first. We didn't finish the book but i think she did. Anyway it's a great book. It depicts how different men think from women. Many times when my colleague reads a paragraph, we would both exclaim how true the words were. The one thing i remember is that every time a woman complains, all she wants to do is for someone to listen. But guys see it differently. Guys would think that the problem has to be solve and they think we complain because we want a solution. They think they have the answer to everything. I guess my bf listen really well because most of the time when i whinge about things, he will just keep quiet. HAHA. at least he doesn't stop me! LOL

But something that happened today made me realize I really am from a different planet as my bf! I was busy arranging for a last minute dinner this morning and was one hour late to meet our friends! Being the sweetie that he was, he showered, changed, smoked and drank coffee when i hastilly prepared myself to go out. He never whinge a bit. If it would have been the other way round and he was late because he was doing last minute booking for a very important dinner and can't find a suitable restaurant, i would have gone mad at him. Blah blah about how he shouldn't always do last minute stuffs and he is always the latest to arrive when we meet our friends. I know I can be really naggy and i hate being late!

Maybe it's just him being patient but I really think we both see things differently. The things we prioritize and can get mad about is abosolutely different. I guess he has a bigger heart, he swallows everything in whereas I am more vocal about it and i'll talk about it until I get numb and then i will look for a solution. I am not a very good solver, you see and he is a very big risk taker. I think i over think when i do stuff therefore i am really indecisive.

Argh. Annoyed!!

Being nice

I think (not self praising at all!) I am genuinely a very NICE person! When people ask me for favours, i will not hesitate and just agree to it. See, eventhough I have to work for the whole weekend *sobs*. I hope people don't see me as greedy because seriously, i just want to help! i believe in karma. I know how it feels being stuck and having no one to help. I don't expect people to help me when i am in need (although it would be nice!) but i don't like the idea of people around me not being helped! I'm a very weird person but I am born nice and patient. I can be not confident of a lot of things but this is one thing i am SURE i have.

I think my bf does that too because he can never say no to anyone at all. He doesn't know his limits very well and he's not the kind to be affected if the person he helped doesn't help him back. See? This is what i call GENUINE. This somehow reminds me of a nilai in moral, which i can't remember already. haha.

SO please do not take advantage of my nice-ness and appreciate me for who i am because i don't wanna change. i don't want to be some cynical old lady when i grow up. The kind that just thinks about the bad side of people. Thanks!

I don't belong..

Has anyone watched How you I met your mother? I am a fan! It's absolutely hilarious! Anyway, I think it must be the latest episode when the Canadian girl, Robin was trying to get a green card in America. There was a phrase which I find very meaningful, something about she doesn't belong to anywhere - because she was working so long in the States, she doesn't feel Canadian when she's back in Canada, yet she doesn't feel American enough to be American.

I think i'm a little like that now.

I was having coffee one day with a friend back home in Malaysia the last trip back and I said the word 'weird'. And then he said "what did you just say?" and I said "w-e-i-r-d". And to my surprise he's like, "is that Aussie?". And I went "uh... Ya?". You see, in Malaysia, if you realize, we like to pronounce weird as vee-ir-t but when I first came to aussie, my aussie friend told me that my pronunciation was off, he said i like to prounounce "w" as "v" and the right way to say it was something like woe-ird. It's hard to type it, just ask me when you see me :P

So seriously?? When I am back in Malaysia, I complained so much about customer service, about the weather, about civilization, about not having friendly people - hey i needed change to make a call on the public phone booth in the airport because the roaming on my phone didn't work but that stupid indian guy refused and i had to buy a mineral water for $4, thanks to him - wasn't something I could get used to at all. And being back in Aus, about not having a place to hang out til late at night except clubs, about prefering to speak manglish and about being discriminated at sometimes, does make me feel like I don't belong to anywhere.

The longer i stay in Australia, the harder it is to accept the rude Malaysian culture, yet I am not Aussie enough to understand their fascination with football and wine and humour, because it's hard to shake off that 20 years of identity in you.

I know sometimes that people do envy I had the chance to be out of Malaysia. But everyday I still find myself waking up in a foreign land and asking myself,

"So where do I belong? "

emo post

I think I should name my blog "the emo blog" because I only blog when I am emo. It think it's alright because no one reads it anyway. lol. Which is good because less blog haters will kacau it then! Sighs. Had a really bad day at work yesterday and woke up early today (sunday!) because i ter-thought of the incident. I hate it when you are just trying to do your job properly and people reads it differently. I emo not because of fucking customers but I think I did not defend my staff and myself very well during the incident and hence, the abuse. I think it was not necessary for her to scream at us and then ring us up again to continue telling us we were wrong. I think I should have done so much more to protect my staff but I didn't. Sometimes my patience can be such a bad thing for my work. I can't not have it yet I can't have too much of it either.

It's just things like this that makes me come face to face with weakness. I have a lot of pride. I hate losing. I hate to be the one who doesn't know anything. I run from problems and avoid them. And these things make me hate the person that I am. It makes me think that being nice is a weakness. I admire people who can stand up for themselves because it is something I never learnt to do even after so long. and I feel very disappointed and this time it's not only about me but about the people i work with.

*argh* life sucks! maybe i should just go for standing up for yourself at work 101. :(

I don't want to grow up!

I think I started on a post last week but didn't finish it because the bf got home! I don't want him to know about my blog. LOL. Mainly because he thinks it's very wussy and emo-ey if there is such word. Life seems to plateau out. It's flat, nothing too exciting happening. So many decisions I have been delaying to make. I am just lazy you know!

It's been my 4th year here in Adelaide. I love this place but it would have been better if my parents are here with me. It would be great to come back for a delicious meal nicely made on the dining table. It would be great to be surrounded by REALLY old people and then balanced out by hanging out with the angry teenager! I am scared of getting married because I don't want to grow up. I don't want to have to stay at my in laws house and never ever stay with my parents again. Most of my good friends in Adelaide are either getting married or got married. They think I feel the pressure but I don't. Seriously I don't. Well unless the person is very rich and I don't need to work.

I really want to get my own house, I mean I can already but I have very expensive taste so I don't want to settle for something I can afford but don't like. I am very greedy. But I get stress when my budget doesn't match my favourite. So I have decided not to think about it first.

Aargh. This is a boring post. LOL. ciao~