i am kambing bag!

In less than 24 hours, i will be stepping down the plane to a humid and horrid country of tudungs, muttons and rude people.... BUT I AM FREAKING EXCITED! i am not sure if it's work stress but it feels like i can BREATHE! wooooooohooooooooo.........

anal

Nope, if you're wondering what i'm talking about, i definitely do not mean gay here. Let's not go there. Anyway I am anal. I am very anal about certain things. I think I am a very weird person, and one who is very random too. I am a perfectionist. Everything I do or attempt to, I have to make sure I am the best or at least be good at it. In other words, you can probably say i am very kiasu. BUT i do not show my kiasu-ness yet people who know me would know.

There was once when i asked two friends for dinner and one of them asked me if my food was edible. Another friend replied that if i were to invite them for dinner, it would definitely be nice, because i only show people the better part of me. So I am very anal when it comes to cooking for people. I am also very anal when i drive. I don't like driving people because my parkin skills are literally non existent. That's why I took 4 years to actually start driving and that is also because i have to switch two buses before i can reach my workplace.

I am also very anal when it comes to dressing. I only stick to clothes that would look right on me. SO I am not very experimental and my clothes look the same! The style is dead. I had a friend told me, I like leggings and they make me look very thin, like bird's leg or something. I guess I do have a very competitive nature because I have to be the best or at least not the worst. I will not experiment with stuffs that I am not confident with. Maybe that's why i tend to have more good guy friends that girl friends. This competitive nature of mine is very tiring, it's good to hang out with guys because you don't need to think of what to wear or what to say.

and maybe that's why confidence is so important. If you feel confident of yourself, it doesn't matter what you wear or what you do, you know you are worthy and great. And until i gain confidence in myself, I will have to continue with this competitive nature of mine, or shall i say kiasuness.

religion vs culture

The other day when I had dinner with my friends, a sensitive topic popped up - religion. My friend didn't want to have a grand birthday dinner and there were no gifts or anything because to him, he was mourning for his grandma who just passed away. He didnt want to celebrate at this time of the year. So some of my christian friends asked him what religion he was and he said he didnt have one, but his grandma was actually a catholic. Then my friend asked if he shouldn't mourn because she was going home to a better place but he just replied that it's too confusing but he just doesn't feel like celebrating anyway.

So i don't think there is really any lines that differentiate what is actually culture and what is religion even though they are both very different things. For me, i embraced buddhism when I was young and of course I had joss stick moments because we can't take away culture from religion but I went to a buddhist sunday school and i know what true buddhism is. It's not about praying or about chanting. But like any other religion, it teaches the way of life, which is something I find very practical about. I learnt to respect other people's religion too.

I definitely think humans need religion - not because we're curious about the afterlife, but because it teaches us to be good, it guides us and it gives us hope. Yet, some people I know does not even celebrate chinese new year because to them cny is praying to gods and giving food to gods but it is never the case. Because chinese new year is an occasion/celebration to meet up with friends and relative - to reunite and have fun! It is culture and who says religion cannot be mixed with culture? Just because you are not a taoist/budhist doesnt make you less chinese!

I guess there's always the extremist and the ones who are neither here neither there or everywhere. But for me culture is still tradition and it is who you are born as and to deny that part of you is just very shameful.

sometimes i don't know how i got here

As the title indicates, I don't know how did i get here, where I am now. Is it fate? Is it destiny? Who decides what you choose?

How from failing chemistry to getting A1. From wanting to do psychology or anything to do with maths to getting deciding pharmacy. From failing tests in SAM to getting a very high TER in the end! From barely making it thru the first two years of the pharmacy course but graduated with honours by the end of fourth year. From worrying about competing with Aussie students to getting a job before i graduated. From being a first year pharmacist to being pharmacist in charge.

Seriously? Maybe it's hardwork but i definitely have someone shining over me. I just feel so blessed. But...... who helped choose my path?

and would I still be lucky in the future?

my friend

I have a friend. I have a friend who has been acting strange for the past two years. She shy away from people and isolate herself somewhere far far away. Even when she was living close by, it is as if she was never there at all. Better to be far because at least distance is an excuse. She convinces herself that she is happy, that love is all she need. She tries to join in when she wants to but she fails because she has lost all contacts with the rest. But then even without friends she still says she's happy. The once happy go lucky girl with lots of friends now becomes extremely contented staying home all day watching movies online, talking to her bf on skype and thinks as if the world outside is poisonous.

What kind of guy would isolate the gf from her close friends? What kind of guy would argue with the gf just because someone ELSE put her past pics online? What kind of guy would punish his gf for something that wasn't her own doing? What kind of guy who psychos his gf that she didnt need friends because of his status? I think even Prince William doesnt impose on his gf like that.

Really, it doesnt matter for her good friend to be left as clueless as the rest is. It doesnt matter what kind of excuse he has for his gf that made her so crazy about this relationship. It doesnt matter if her good friend tries to communicate but instead causes more problem.

She doesn't know what to believe anymore. To trust that this friend of hers still has sanity and logic in her? or to be like everyone else and just ignore her?

quarter life crisis

When I was finally a teenager, I was so happy I became the 'in' crowd and before I know it, I was out of teens. Then it was still cool to get out of teens because this shows that you get to act all grown up and pretend like you're maturing. Anyway time really does fly because next year I am a quarter century old! OMG. This is so so so so so scary. If you were a couple for 25 years, you will be having the 'silver' anniversary! It is THAT LONG.

Age just hit me that it is NOT just a number and it makes sense why people are talking about it all the time. Why Jennifer Aniston becomes the talk of town because her body is so hot even if she's already 40. Why botox is like religion to some people.

I know I know the theme of my blog - Another Phase of Life reflects what is going on in my life now but hey it feels like it's the turning point of my life. Work, Getting married, have kids. I am moving on too fast now. It still feels scary. What if I can't stick to one partner? What if i am not capable of taking care of my kids? What if i am bad mum? What if I cant afford my house? What if I don't achieve what I want in life?

I guess I can sit and wonder what's gonna happen in the future.

Or.

Just make the plunge - that's what life is about. Sometimes there is just no time to think about what you can do but to just DO IT. like Nike does! :P

more like twilight obsession

So.... One week after finishing the twilight saga - I am even more obsessed than ever. I think even the word obsessed cannot explain how crazy do i feel towards this whole collection. Seriously, I am not kidding! I have tried every way possible to overcome it but so far, i have not succeeded. Not even close! It's like this damn drug in my head. It's like cigarettes to ADrian. Argh.

I've tried numbing it by talking about it all the time until I get really bored. In fact talking about it makes me even more excited. I talked to this friend about twilight for a whole three hours the other day and I almost forgot to eat, well we both forgot to eat. and drink. I've tried youtubing it until I get sick of Robert Pattinson with his cacat face YET he mesmerize me even more with his sarcastic remarks and sexy British Accent. Then I tried to reduce withdrawal symptoms by watching Twilight while waiting for New Moon to be released and I think I've watched the movie 4 times in a week and yet not get tired of it. I know the dialogue by heart now and which song plays on the background.

IT IS THAT SERIOUS!

and I think my high school friends would have an idea of how crazy I can be. I think my last obsession was Jay Chou whom i also ate, sleep and dreamt of. HAHA. I think the level of obsession is the same except that now I am like 8 years older and I am supposed to be more mature *sighs* I guess some things never change.

I wish I hadn't read the saga though because now it feels empty. I need some excitements in life. I want a life filled with whirlwind love and romance! LOL. gosh i should stop embarassing myself here.?

Oh Twilight Twilight can you please please get away from my brain? or can someone just give me a new obsession?